These are my last days as ... just Kayla. In less than a month I will be MOM. The most privileged yet abused title in the world. I used to think a woman should earn the title of mom, but lately I have noticed pretty much any woman has that title. I hope I earn the privilege of being called mom, that it's more than just a habit my children grow up with. I remember as a teen, I tried calling my mom by her first name, thinking about it being a privilege. I couldn't do it, It felt so weird. I decided as bratty as I was, and as much as we had our hard times, she had earned the title MOM in my heart. It is going to be seriously weird referring to her as grandma... For her birthday this month, my abuelita gave her a card. She had written inside a celebration of the fact that she is going to be a grandma. I thought it was so cool of my Ita to remind her of this. I'm not sure how I feel about me being mom yet.... I don't feel like I belong in the group, like I'm just pretending. My entire life has been about preparing to be a mom, it's how the LDS church teaches. I messed up along the way, I didn't finish school, I got in trouble with the law, and a few other mishaps....
What I am especially proud of is my partner. My husband is what makes me feel like I'm ready. We had a talk the other night about something random, with us that is usual. I was reminded he does not have such a high opinion of his parents. We talked about him learning from their mistakes, him wanting to not be like them. His parents have quite a background, they put their children through a lot. He knows what kind of parent he wants to be, and I like it. He is going to be such a great dad, he is already an amazing partner and husband. I love it when he kisses my belly and says goodnight to his sons. Anyway, I hope I live up to my own expectations.
